Gold, Gold, Gold 1995 The "Dwarven Poetry" (a.k.a. "gold gold gold") alt.fan.pratchett discussion thread was, in my opinion, one of the most entertaining ones we've had since this newsgroup's inception, even though I suppose it was basically just a single running gag stretched beyond endurance and then some. I thought it would be a shame if this admirable example of collective writing was to disappear into the gaping vacuum maws of Usenet history, so I've searched through my log files, rescued the relevant postings, and started pruning, slicing, dicing, leaving out, editing, rearranging and formatting. I can only hope that I'm not the only one who will be amused by the document that resulted from all this activity. Leo Breebaart THE 1995 A.F.P. "DWARVEN POETRY" THREAD From: Are Sorli Having observed the recent discussion on DW fan fiction, I finally made up my mind to share my humble efforts with you. Seeing as there is a lot of activity in the Hedgehog Song department, I rather channeled my creative energies into the composition of a new dwarf song. Here are the first two verses: Gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold. Gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold. I'm currently working on some more verses, but have run into quite serious scansion problems due to formal constraints. I will share them with you at a later stage of creation. Any *constructive* criticism on the current effort is welcomed; how does my work compare with the original? From: a.j.cribbin Interesting lyrics, I see you feel passionately about the subject matter. I particularly like the way you've managed to get the lines to all rhyme without sacrificing their sense of meaning. Most clever. My only quibble is that I think the reference to oral sex is totally uncalled for. From: Stephen Judd Great! May I submit my German translation? It runs: Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold. I'm sure you'll agree that I have managed to capture both the style and nuances of the original. From: Adrian Ogden Glod, Glod, Glod, Glod Glod, Glod, Glod, Glod Glod, Glod, Glod, Glod Glod, Glod, Glod, Glod ... From: Terry Pratchett Huh, that's a definite rip off of the song Thog Thunderthighs is going to write next year, huh! Sneer! See? The word 'glod' appears several times in both versions! Is this plagiarism or what!!!??? From: D.LODGE Yes; the words may be conformant but the tunes are radically different; OAdrian's goes: 'Glod, Glod, Glod, Glod', whilst Thog's goes: 'Glod, Glod, Glod, Glod' -- see NO similarities.... Look out all you dwarfs for the new 'experimental' tune from the group 'Octarine Omsday' which goes: Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold Gold, Gold, Gold, Silver But they just don't know how the modern world will take such changes to the established order... From: Jan Ingvoldstad At least they didn't take the fatal step of writing: Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold Gold, Gold, Gold, Bronze [1] [1] Forgive me, I didn't really mean to imply that *any* dwarf would even *think* of using that word amongst all that wonderful Gold. From: Adrian Ogden Plagiarism!? You want PLAGIARISM!!?? I'll give you PLAGIARISM!!!! Glod, Glod, Glod, Glod Glod, Glod, Glod, Glod Lovely Glod, Wonderful Glod Lovely Glod, Wonderful... "Shut Up! Bloody Vikings." From: g.p.stewart Hey, since we seem to have gone international on this why not the Danish translation! Guld, Guld, Guld, Guld Guld, Guld, Guld, Guld Guld, Guld, Guld, Guld Guld, Guld, Guld, Guld I'm sorry but that's only the third bridge section before the second CODA, still the translation is pretty accurate I feel. From: Irina Rempt And a tiny sample from the Dutch translation I'm working on: Goud, goud, goud, goud Goud, goud, goud, goud Goud, goud, goud, goud Goud, goud, goud, goud From: Alexander Ribbe And for little Dutch dwarfs: cent, cent, cent, cent cent, cent, cent, cent ... From: Neil Harris In the interests of international cooperation and understanding may I respectfully present the Dwarf Song... in Welsh. Aur, Aur, Aur, Aur Aur, Aur, Aur, Aur Aur, Aur, Aur, Aur Aur, Aur, Aur, Aur. As you can see this version has the added advantage of fewer letters and is therefore suitable as a 'pocket' version. Pronunciation note. Aur is pronounced as the English 'ire'. From: Nick Leverton Actually, I don't understand the bit in L&L, where Pterry writes that dwarves actually prefer iron to gold, except that it's harder to write songs about it. They seem more or less the same to me -- look : Iron, Iron, Iron, Iron Iron, Iron, Iron, Iron Iron, Iron, Iron, Iron Iron, Iron, Iron, Iron From: Are Sorli I do not consider myself a prude, but at this point I feel compelled to intervene. This discussion, apart from some commendable translation material, seems to have developed quite an unserious, even flippant, tone, with cheap quips about ignoble metals (and, at one point, even alloys!) I would hope that our discussion could once again return to the track of passionate argument and sincere literary opinion from which it has been derailed. To this end, I submit my third verse, which I now feel has reached its final phase of maturation: Gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold, gold. I'm particularly pleased with all the embedded references to earlier textual material in this literary context. Are you able to spot them? From: Hanspeter Schmid Well, this is certainly better than the French translation: Or, or, or, or Or, or, or, or Or, or, or, or Or, or, or, or I like the Italian translation a little bit better: Oro, oro, oro, oro Oro, oro, oro, oro Oro, oro, oro, oro Oro, oro, oro, oro Although the really best translation I've found is the Finnish one: Holmolainen, holmolainen, holmolainen, holmolainen Holmolainen, holmolainen, holmolainen, holmolainen Holmolainen, holmolainen, holmolainen, holmolainen Holmolainen, holmolainen, holmolainen, holmolainen From: John Wilkins Then again, there's the alchemist's version, understood by all languages, species, and sexual orientations (at least, until they explode or something): Au, Au, Au, Au Au, Au, Au, Au Au, Au, Au, Au Au, Au, Au, Au. I think this must be considered the definitive version. From: Daniel Heald This can of course be summarized further, and be much more acceptable for publication in such learned journals as *Aurophilia Acta*, as the following 4 (Au subscript4) Which is even more economical, and mind-bogglingly tedious to any of the non-dwarven persuasion, than any submission so far. From: Jeff Howell Well, just to keep up the current international trend, here is my attempt at a Canadian version. Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, eh. From: Paul Graham Ben, mais si on habite a Quebec: D'or, D'or, D'or, D'or D'or, D'or, D'or, D'or D'or, D'or, D'or, D'or D'or, D'or, D'or, D'or. N'est-ce pas? From: Reidulf Wasenius) We must not forget the Norgewian version. Here it comes. Gull, Gull, Gull, Gull Gull, Gull, Gull, Gull Gull, Gull, Gull, Gull Gull, Gull, Gull, Gull From: Paul Sleigh No no no! You can't appreciate Pratchett until you've read him in the original Klingon!!! SuD, SuD, SuD, SuD SuD, SuD, SuD, SuD SuD, SuD, SuD, SuD SuD, SuD, SuD, SuD. d the verses are fascinating too. Qapla'! From: Richard Bebb After the current deluge of dwarf *songs* I thought it might be nice to hear a dwarf limerick even though dwarfs aren't exactly famous for their sense of humour :-) Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, e? :) From: Colm Buckley Shouldn't limericks have 8 syllables in the first two lines, followed by 2 lines of 5 syllables, with 8 again in the last line? I'm sure I read this somewhere (that and the AABBA rhyming scheme), which would give us : Gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold Gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold Gold gold gold gold gold Gold gold gold gold gold Gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold m...... From: Mike Pinson Well, to contribute a bit of far-eastern mystery and beauty to these works, I have composed a dwarven haiku. Gold, a dwarven haiku by Mike Pinson. Gold gold gold gold gold Gold gold gold Gold gold gold gold gold. e you like it, I found it quite touching, evocating images of subterranean pagodas, and gold. That was so good, I'll have to take a long walk to think about it. See you later. From: silbrmnd But it's not a *proper* haiku unless it's got cherry blossoms.... Gold gold gold gold gold. Gold gold gold gold gold gold gold, gold gold cherry-blossoms. From: Helen Highwater > Gold gold gold gold gold. > Gold gold gold gold gold gold gold, > gold gold cherry-blossoms. Too many syllables. From: Robin Parkinson > Too many syllables. To express oneself In seventeen syllables Is very diffic John Cooper Clark. From: Berry Kercheval > But it's not a *proper* haiku unless it's got cherry blossoms.... No, actually it's a reference to the season that is required; cherry-blossoms are a reference to spring [1] So you could have Gold gold falling leaves gold. Gold gold gold gold gold gold gold, Gold gold gold gold gold or Gold gold gold gold gold; Gold gold gold gold gold gold gold, Gold gold icecicles gold. or even Gold gold gold gold gold; Gold gold exfoliating schist gold gold, Gold gold gold gold gold. [1] or very late winter, depending on your latitude. From: Rainer Doerntge After some extensive research in old ancient tomes (mainly "Asterix apud Gothos"), I made an attempt to a latin translation of the song. This is somewhat more difficult as other translations since the latin translation consists of more syllables than all previously shown... Here it comes: Aurum, Aurum, Aurum, Aurum, Aurum, Aurum, Aurum, Aurum, Aurum, Aurum, Aurum, Aurum. Aurum, Aurum, Aurum, Aurum! As it is shown in the last line, the latin translation enables the singer to put more momentum in his performance, which will have more impact on the audience. From: Helen Highwater > Aurum, Aurum, Aurum, Aurum, > Aurum, Aurum, Aurum, Aurum, > Aurum, Aurum, Aurum, Aurum, > Aurum, Aurum, Aurum, Aurum! I may be tone deaf but isn't this the theme to the Pink Panther? From: John Manning > Gold, a dwarven haiku by Mike Pinson. Here is a Japanese translation for *authenticity* ... Kin kin kin kin kin Kin kin kin Kin kin kin kin kin From: Danyel A Fisher Well, folks, it's time for the more literarily inclined dwarven poets to share Shakespearean and Petrarchan Sonnets, as well as Dwarven free verse and Dwarven beat poetry I did us all the favor of composing. Note that the Shakespearean and Petrarchan are actually superimposed, for easier comparison of the styles. Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold More interesting was the Dwarven Beat period (to be distinguished from the Dwarven Thump period, a different style entirely). Dwarves, in round eyeglasses, would sit in smoky cafes and recite to each other poetry that, in Dwarven culture, was remarkable for its newness, its transcendent meditations on life, its risque overtones, its clearly hallucinogenic qualities. This is a transcript of "Gold--Gold", by L. Fern-in-gully, a prominent Dwarf Beat Poet. Gold--Gold, (Gold!) gold gold Gold, Gold. Gold? Gold Gold Gold. Gold (Gold) Gold (Gold) G(old) (G)old. G;O;L;D. G O L D Gold--Gold, (Gold!) gold gold From: Louis Epstein No one here has recounted one of the true dwarf classics!! Many authorities believe that in the first verse the narrator describes his establishment,in the second who it belongs to, in the third what he does there, and in the fourth his security measures. Many other authorities believe these to be misattributed and any other order of description to the verses to be correct. See notes. The text: Mine, mine, mine, mine Mine, mine, mine, mine Mine, mine, mine, mine Mine, mine, mine, mine, MINE! Mine, mine, mine, mine[1] Mine, mine, mine, mine Mine, mine, mine, mine[2] Mine, mine, mine, mine, MINE! Mine, mine, mine, mine Mine, mine, mine, mine Mine, mine, mine, mine Mine, mine, mine, mine, MINE! Mine, mine, mine, mine Mine, mine, mine, mine[3] Mine, mine, mine, mine[5] Mine, mine, mine, mine, MINE![6] [1] According to some the word order here is reversed. [2] Some say this verse is actually five lines long; another line, "Mine, mine, mine, mine" is inserted either before or after this line in some mss. [4] [3] Some say the third "mine" should be before the second. Others don't care. [4] Or maybe at the start of the verse. [5] This line may go before the previous one. [6] It is traditional among those working their first day in a mine to substitute "Does Terry Pratchett really mine here?" for this line.[7] [7] It is also traditional for them to be thrown out and work the rest of their careers in another mine. From: David Arno It is rumoured in some Dwarven circles that one particularly weird Dwarven Alchemist once hit on an the ultimate alchemist's dream song. I believe it went something like this [1]: Lead, Lead, Lead, Lead, Lead, Lead, Lead, Lead, Philosophers stone! Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold, Gold. [1] Obviously, this is a very much abridged version and so many of the subtle undertones and nuances of the original are lost here. From: Terry Pratchett Why didn't anyone mention the Century of the Fruitbat dwarfish humourist and poet Oggham Gnash? Gold gold gold gold gold, Gold gold gold gold gold, Gold gold gold gold gold -- Gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold gold, gold gold, gold gold gold sold...